The white figure, draped in a white sari, wearing black spectacles, holding a bag in her hand that sported a black wrist watch, turning to the alley from the main road. That sight is now more than 30 years old and is my first memory of Muthashi (maternal grandmother). In that distant memory of me watching her gait from the gates of Lakshmy , there is someone standing next to me. But I can't recollect who that is. This should have been towards the end of my grandmother's long career as a mathematics school teacher, for soon afterwards I took the role of her travel companion whenever she travelled outside my hometown. As a kid I never was a 'grandmother's boy', so to say. Muthashi still mocks me that as a kid I never used to mind her when she visited us at my paternal grandparents' house. Even when my younger brother started sleeping beside Mutashi in her room, hearing her bed time stories, I used to cry for sleeping in my parent's bedroom. So, how did this happen? When did I transition from that child who did not really care about his grandmother to the current self who wants to be like Muthashi? I can't place a particular moment in time. There are many people and books that have influenced me and makes me the person I am today. But if I had to put a single face to those influences, it would undoubtedly be that of Muthashi. As she celebrates her Shathabhishekam (84th birthday), I am attempting to jot down Muthashi as I saw her.
When I try to recollect my moments with Muthashi, the first thing that comes to my mind are the bus journeys. I would tag along Muthashi and we would travel to meet a relative or to attend a function. And there used to be a recurrent event in these bus journeys. Muthashi would run into a former student of hers at the bus stand or in the bus. And invariably they would offer to take the tickets, "Thampayi teacher (as her students call her fondly), please allow me to pay the bus fare". How much ever Muthashi dissuaded them, they would not agree. As a kid I had this notion that you wouldn't need to pay bus fare if you become a teacher by profession. To my astonishment, many of her students looked elder to her with their white hairs when my Muthashi still had jet black hair. When asked about this, Muthashi would say "I had taught that kid (note the point your Honour, 'kid') during the early years of my service. Back in those days, there were a lot of kids who would spend many years to clear the 10th standard, losing the exams year after year. So there is not much of an age difference between us. May be thats why". I had been a witness to many students visiting her at our home and could see the respect and the affection they had for her. When I reached an age where I could guage how much a teacher should have influenced a student to gain that sort of respect, my admiration for Muthashi grew.
One of those days, I went with Muthashi to Thrissur to attend a wedding. I should have been a kid in 7th or 8th standard.I was sitting a few rows behind Muthashi in the crowded bus. As the bus reached Thrissur, I got down at the first stop within the city. I looked for Muthashi and saw that she had not! She was planning to get down at the next stop and I thought we had to get down here. As I saw the bus speed forward, I was tensed. But soon I got my act together. Muthashi always used to keep some money with me whenever we travel. Our plan was to go to Raghu ammaman(uncle)'s house and go to the wedding venue from there. I knew the area name of Raghuammaman's residence. So I got into an autorickshaw and started guiding the driver. The driver soon realised that I didn't have a clue about the route. So he told me to keep quiet and took me to the area and on seeing the street, I could remember the way to the house. I paid the driver and thanked him. All this while my mind was worried about Muthashi. Muthashi is infamous for her tension. She would get tensed for even trivial stuff at times. On reaching the house I saw that Muthashi's footwear was not to be seen outside. My heart skipped a beat. I was worried now that she would be searching for me back in the city. But to my surprise, I was told that she indeed had reached the house before me and had proceeded to the wedding venue asking my relatives to guide me to the place when I reached. I walked to the venue and met her, standing there smiling at me. " I knew you would easily make your way here" she said. I could not fathom how Muthashi was not tensed then. But when I look back, I guess she might have understood that I could travel on my own. Probably a skill the teacher who taught kids for more than 30 years gets; to gauge a kid's abilities accurately. It was a day which boosted my confidence immensely. Whenever I see the quote, "A good teacher is one who makes oneself progressively unnecessary” among the list of quotes which I have noted down in my notebook, I am reminded of this incident. Muthashi was preparing me , making me do simple tasks of buying tickets, doing the math to make sure the balance received is correct, getting to know the places by reading boards and so on, for this day when I have to travel alone. She had taught me a non-math lesson without me realising it.
If there is one trait that defines Muthashi as a person, its her care for others. Comfort of others before mine is her primary motto in life. She might have got this from her childhood days as the eldest among the siblings. That the eldest one should look after the younger ones is a belief that is ingrained in her. This is one of the very few advices she keeps giving in life. In her efforts to make life easier for others, she doesn't care for her own comfort. There are many examples to this. But the funniest one is her eating habits when someone is visiting us home. Muthashi would suddenly reduce her food intake so that the guests would have enough to eat. Even if there is a lot of food, the habit is so ingrained that she would still eat less, at times leading to food being left over for the next meal. Most of the relatives who visit home have realised this now and they make sure Muthashi does not reduce her food intake. It is when I try to emulate this character of keeping other people's happiness before mine, and fail miserably, that I bow to Muthashi in my mind. She has been doing this for years with ease, without ever pretending that she is doing something so difficult to do. Every child who grew around a grandmother would remember the stories from her dearly. So do I. A character who has influenced the grandmother would radiate more than others in the stories she tells. Muthashi also used to tell us children stories from Ramayana. And there is a character who shines a lot more than Rama in her stories, Bharata. All those 14 years, after Rama left the kingdom one fine morning, Bharata protected the kingdom looking after the subjects and family well. And when Rama returned, he gave back the kingdom without taking any credit for his efforts and hid himself from limelight of the epic.Well, who else could be Muthashi's favourite character?!
In the stories which my grandmother used to tell us kids, many were real life experiences. Either her own or of someone she knew. These stories and behaviours of the characters influenced our thinking. When we kids grew up, as we acquired more knowledge on the ways of the world, those incidents relayed further levels to than the simple narrated content. Our own world views started to change and we started asking questions, we started debating on what is right and what is wrong. And as it happens between generations, we saw ourselves in opposing view points. What was right to us was not so for her and vice versa. But in all those debates never once has she made blanket bans on our views. She has never said "You should not say that" or "You should not approach it like that". She was always ready to question her views and if she found resonance in our arguments, she would change her opinion. But if there was no common ground, she would say "You can continue to believe that. I am unable to agree to that. I beg to differ". This made me realise that even while disagreeing with a person, your respect for that person can increase. Another of the qualities of Muthashi is her amazing capacity for self-reflection. While narrating some happenings which she now thinks was incorrect on her part or was plain stupidity, a wry smile would cross her face. The philosophical smile of a person who understands herself quite clearly.
It is tough to stop writing this. Memories come down in a tumble. I am talking of a woman who graduated and wanted to study more, but realised the financial situation at home and made way for the siblings to get better education, worked and helped the siblings to be on their own, looked after her parents, lost her husband in her middle age but grew her children as a single mother, cared for and nurtured her grandchildren and looked after everyone in the extended family as a mother figure. A life which stretches beyond the realm of words. In the first memory I have of Muthashi, I said there is a vague, irrecognisable figure standing next to me. May be it was the all pervading figure of time and might have told me then "Kid, here comes a woman who defines womanhood. Indira Thampayi, the person who would be your role model. Your Muthashi". Muthashi,I prostrate to you on the day of your Shathabhishekam!
